Am I worth it Now?
by SilverMidnight52
Summary: J.D. is in love with Dr. Cox, but when he falls and hurts himself does he keep doing it?


Another story. I know it's weird, and yes my Dr. Cox sucks in all of my Scrubs stories. I don't own anything. Blah, have fun readin.

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I was lying on my bed again. Turk and Carla had taken Izzy to the park together because it was their day of. Elliot was with Keith doing god knows what. So that left me alone to think about my loneliness.

Sighing I looked at the clock and saw that it was almost time for work. I got off my bed and walked into the bathroom. The light was off so I tripped over something and hit my arm on something sharp. I quickly turned the light on and saw a razor lying on the ground and my wrist was bleeding slightly.

Staring at my wrist I noticed that it didn't hurt at all. Actually it felt really good. I grabbed the razor again and ran it across my wrist. Smiling I saw that blood was collecting in the sink. The door to the apartment opened and closed.

"J.D., where are you?" Turk yelled from the kitchen.

I tried to answer, but no words came out of my mouth. Shrugging I turned the water on to let him know I was in the shower. Looking back down at my wrists I saw that there were five cuts on both wrists.

I got into the shower and flinched slightly when the water hit my cuts. Sighing I wiped the blood off and quickly finished my shower. I got out of my shower when the bleeding of my wrists stopped.

Once I was out of the shower I grabbed a long sleeve shirt that I was going to wear under my scrubs. I got dressed and walked out of the bathroom and saw Turk sitting on the couch eating a bowl of cereal.

"What's up V. Bear?" Turk asked once he saw me.

"Nothing," I said yawning, "Just about to go to work. Bye."

"Bye Dawg," Turk said as I closed the door.

I walked downstairs and over to Sasha, my scooter. I didn't really want to ride her, but if I walked I'd be late. It didn't take long to get to the hospital, but once I got there I saw the Janitor standing next to the door. Sighing I walked to him not caring what he was going to do to me.

"You're a jerk," he said casually.

"You're a jerk," I said making it seem like I care.

I walked past him and saw Dr. Cox standing next to the nurse's station. Walking to him I waited for him to start talking. Looking at him I saw his lips moving, but I didn't hear what he was saying.

"Are you listening to me Kari?" he said angrily.

"Of course I'm listening to you Dr. Cox," I said sarcastically.

"What's with the attitude Marsha?" he asked looking at me.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said hoping I could get out of it.

"Oh don't you even start Newbie," he said grabbing my wrists.

It took all of my self control to not flinch. He shot me a weird look, but I just rolled my eyes and pulled my arm away. I realized that I was going to have to think of a cover story, but he wouldn't care anyway so oh well.

"I'm just tired Dr. Cox," I said softly, "It won't happen again."

"It better not," he said nodding, "Now go check on your patients."

I nodded my head and walked into my patients rooms. It didn't take long for me to finish with all of my patients. Dr. Cox talked to me one more time. I counted the times that he called me a girl's name. He called me Kari, Marsha, Jessica, and Lillith.

When I got home I went to the bathroom and started a shower. The only reason that I turned the shower on was so no one would ask questions. After taking off my clothes I grabbed a razor and sat in the bathtub.

Thinking about Dr. Cox I decided that I was going to carve all the girl names he calls me into my body. After I had written Kari and Marsha I started to get really dizzy. I quickly wrote Jessica and Lillith before passing out. A while later, I don't know how long since I passed out, someone started to knock on the door.

"Newbie," Dr. Cox yelled banging harder on the door, "Get out here."

"Coming," I said trying to focus my eyes.

"What's taking so long?" he asked anger in his voice, but an under lying tone of worry.

"I'm in the shower," I said noticing that the water was red.

"Just hurry the fuck up," he said his voice getting calmer.

Rolling my eyes I shakingly got out of the tub. The water started to drain once I was out. Looking down at my wrists I saw that they weren't bleeding anymore. I quickly got dressed and tried not to pass out again. I put my hand on the door knob as another wave of dizziness hit me.

"Why are you here, Dr. Cox?" I asked trying not to pass out.

"I'm going to take you…" he said before looking at me, "What's wrong, Kathy?"

"Nothing," I said sitting on the couch, "Just haven't slept in awhile."

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked putting a hand on my upper arm.

Without thinking I flinched as he touched a new cut. He must have noticed because the look of concern of his face turned to anger. His grip started to tighten around my arm. A whimper came out of my mouth as his nails dug into my arm.

"Why are you flinching?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"You're hurting me," I said in a pained whisper.

"Let me see the wound," he said in his doctor voice.

"No," I said pulling away from him.

"Let me see Newbie," he said standing up.

"My name is J.D.," I said tears filling my eyes, "Why can't you just fucking call me that?"

Before he could say anything else I ran into the bathroom and locked the door. Tears poured out of my eyes as I grabbed the razor and pulled my shirt off. I didn't know what I was doing, but soon J.D. was carved into my stomach. You couldn't even see anything but my blood.

"J.D.," Dr. Cox said knocking on the door, "Open up."

"Go away," I said through the tears.

"Just tell me you didn't do something irrational," he said in a pleading tone.

"I'd be lying then," I said unlocking the door.

Dr. Cox must have noticed because he was already opening the door. A gasp came from his mouth as he saw me lying on the ground bleeding to death. Another door opened and Turk and Carla walked in.

Carla let out a small scream when she saw me. She ran to me and pulled a towel to stop the bleeding. I fought back slightly, but soon stopped when I noticed I had no energy. She kept pushing harder on my wounds every time I moved.

Turk was standing in the door way with Dr. Cox. His mouth was open in shock as he stared at me. Falling to his knees tears started to fall from his eyes. I couldn't look at him anymore because he was mouthing the word 'why'.

Dr. Cox had put his cell phone down after telling the hospital to send a bus to my apartment. He fell down next to me and held my hand. I was looking at his eyes trying to figure out what he was thinking.

Without warning his lips were covering mine. I was shocked at first, but soon started to kiss back shyly. His hand found my newest wound and pushed the towel into my stomach harder. A loud whimper escaped my mouth as he did this.

"Stay with me J.D.," he said when he broke the kiss.

"I don't want to hurt you," I said trying to explain it.

"You'll hurt me if you die," he said his voice strained, "Please don't leave me."

"I'll try," I said smiling before I started to cough up blood.

"There's too much damage," Carla said tears falling down her face.

"I love you, J.D.," Dr. Cox said before kissing my again.

"I love you too, Perry," I said before turning to Turk.

"I could have helped you," Turk said grabbing my hand.

"I'm sorry Brown Bear," I said gasping for breath.

"Don't leave me," he said desperately.

"I don't want to," I said shaking my head.

"Then why do this?" Perry said motioning to my cuts.

"I thought I wasn't good enough," I said my breathing coming out shortly; "I love you all."

That was the last thing I said to anyone. At least that was the last thing that they heard me say while I was alive. I muttered things to them whenever I saw them need help, but they couldn't hear me. At least I think they didn't hear me.


End file.
